Me And My Ex-Wife’s Struggle With Mental Illness
In our relationship, we have always had disagreements about our mental states, but we also argue about regular stuff like finances, romantics, and schedules. We do normal couple things, as we strive to look towards the future. Sometimes one of us will become symptomatic and need mental health care this is where all of our problems with finances, romantics, and schedules become muddied water. We disagree with something, but our mental status also affects how we perceive the other person's stance. My wife is the best thing that has ever happened to me. That does not mean we agree on every issue and do not get frustrated with each other on a particular topic. Take money for an example, I personally like to budget but she doesn't have a clue about the dollar signs unless I show her the spreadsheets. We argue about the same as any other married couple, but when the symptoms get in the way, we just cannot keep the respect. These situations usually happen when we are going through troubles or busy periods in our lives; a final exam, a job interview, a court appearance or even a group therapy session. Having too much to do can feel exhausting but it is rewarding. My wife is on disability, yet is able to go to college and rock at doing that as a full-time student of social work. She has made me very proud through these years. I, on the other hand, tend to be a perfectionist and look for flaws in my work, using radical acceptance I have narrowed down what I can and cannot control in life. My wife does not love herself when she becomes symptomatic like she has become over the past couple of years but, I still love her to the end of the earth and back. I have had to take some steps back but I have learned that utilizing this radical acceptance can also pose some challenges. By trying to better my mental health, it has been a struggle for our relationship. As I want to better my life, it is hard to get the other person on board with it 100% of the time. I have learned that loving myself is a lot easier now but accepting I cannot have my wife love herself all the time is difficult, especially when she is symptomatic and not feeling like she has friends. My wife and I have been together for about three years, we have been married for about one 3/4 years. During that time I have been hospitalized a couple of times, she has been in the hospital a lot and we have grown to know each other's triggers and what bothers each other. When she becomes symptomatic, the mental illness comes out and hurts us both. I have done similar things in the past, but I have worked on my coping skills as hard as I can to prevent it from being an issue. There is a belief that we are going to succeed but I have been paranoid in the past about worst-case scenarios regarding money. There have been times where I sat in a hospital worried about whether I was going to see her again, which is why I always visit my wife when she is in the hospital and I make sure she has support for herself in these situations We have learned that dealing with our ups and downs need to be addressed. When she sleeps after a medication change off and on for days at a time, I used to get upset with her, now I try to comfort her during those times. The same has happened to me recently, my wife naturally sees more sleep as bad but after the concussion a few weeks ago, it has been a long recovery for myself. I wish that I could do more to tell her how much I care about her, but sometimes her illness takes over and does not budge. I will not budge on my love for her, but there comes a time when we need to stop enabling the illness and figure out how to be responsible for it. I radically accept that I cannot change all for the benefit of others including my wife, but I can work on my own mental health in the long run. Thanks for reading...Warm regards, Thomas
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