• Home
    • Abuse
    • Coping
    • Gaming
    • Educational
    • Lists
    • Music
    • Politics
    • Reviews
    • Technology
  • About Me
  • Cerebral Palsy
    • Cerebral Palsy Facts
  • Incontinence
    • Incontinence Supply Reviews
  • Mental Health
    • Dual Diagnosis
    • International Suicide Hotline List
    • Recommended Apps for iPhone & Android
    • Peer Support
    • Self-Harm Resources
  • CA Plays
    • Friday The 13th: The Game
    • Rocket League
  • Vlog
  • Home
    • Abuse
    • Coping
    • Gaming
    • Educational
    • Lists
    • Music
    • Politics
    • Reviews
    • Technology
  • About Me
  • Cerebral Palsy
    • Cerebral Palsy Facts
  • Incontinence
    • Incontinence Supply Reviews
  • Mental Health
    • Dual Diagnosis
    • International Suicide Hotline List
    • Recommended Apps for iPhone & Android
    • Peer Support
    • Self-Harm Resources
  • CA Plays
    • Friday The 13th: The Game
    • Rocket League
  • Vlog

Eight New Feelings Since Mom Died(Updated 02-2018)

Thursday, February 8th, 2018

Eight New Feelings Since Mom Died(Updated 02-2018)

Thursday, February 8th, 2018 In Blog Coping Journaling Mental Health Politics Updates

**Update** Now and again I like to go back on posts that I had done before and reflect on what it is that I had said in those posts, to keep myself honest about how I really feel about how things are going in life. In the past, I have found that I have changed my perception of what has happened with life. It used to be 5 new feeling, but I am upping it to eight. Let’s get started with the prologue that I used.

-Tom


I have have had a deep and sometimes dark understanding that I will one day figure out during my quest in life. I am 28 now but there are a lot of topics in life that I still need to research. There are new emotions that were somewhat blocked when depressed and suicidal, but now I am not as depressed anymore because my mom’s six-year struggle with cancer is over as she passed on in the summer of 2015. Feelings that I would have balked at in the past are becoming a new reality, I originally included; companionship,  success, satisfaction while working, political-fire, and feeling like an ass. As of 2018, three years later I have found that disappointment, resilience and radical acceptance have become more emotional for me. Let’s look at some of the eight emotional items, shall we…

Success – When I have the successes I don’t go back and think about this evil thought that pops into my head of “what if I did better”, now I can just bask in the feeling of those successes in my life that have merit. I get a warm fuzzy feeling inside and I feel like I am riding on cloud 9 when I succeed in something I put effort into. In December of 2017, I graduated with my Bachelor’s Degree!

Working Satisfaction – Throughout my whole adult life I had always struggled with liking work until I found my purpose in life. Now when I am working I really just feel good about it, I feel like I am accomplishing what I need to do while doing my job. I am not afraid to ask for help and I am not afraid to give out advice. Right now I am networking with people and trying to get my foot in the door in some sort of industry, wish me luck!

Political-fire – For better or for worse I am more engaged in political discussion. I am more willing to tell people my opinions rather than a scripted political response to everything. As a Democratic-socialist atheist pacifist, I believe in taking care of people. Recently I had been the chair of a county Dem party and have been active in Atheist groups.

Companionship – Has replaced my sexual personality, which means that I just don’t value sex as much as loyalty and love. When I was with my ex-wife, I didn’t view her as a sexual object but as a friend. I hope in the future that people can understand that warm feeling of love.

Feeling like an ass – Oh yes this new feeling is much worse than actually being depressed or feeling pain inside. Because of morality, when I say or do something that is bad or evil i feel a sense of feeling like an asshole when I do something. It is immediately ensuing, like 2-3 seconds after the action I feel a deep regret and I really don’t forgive myself or forget being a jester. There have also been times when miscommunication has gotten me into hot water.

Disappointment – I have learned being married to a person with a mental disorder can bring disappointments and failures. That is okay because in the future I will try to manage this feeling of disappointment with reality.

Resilience – Resilience has taught me that if I fail it is okay, this is why I gave my ex-wife multiple chances even though we went against the odds. 90% of bipolar relationships end in divorce, but that didn’t mean we couldn’t try to be part of that 10%! I am proud of that resilience that we had.

Radical Acceptance – This is a brand new emotion for me as of January of 2018, I had begun to allow people to control my life, but then I realized that there are things that I cannot control. I cannot control other drivers, I cannot control my ex-wives mental illness, but I can be compliant with my own treatment options, instead of allowing others to make those decisions.


With this new update, I can tell you that these eight emotions or feelings are newly identified by myself, but I need to keep trying to enjoy my life while identifying them more. I originally posted this on my blog on Crazyboards but have since updated it 2-3 times to reflect my current feelings towards this. I was 25 at the original post and can reflect back upon this as a time that I wasn’t ready for the abuses to come. The last three points are things I am working with my abusive relationship coming to an end and will not deviate from the resilience and radical acceptance. Thanks for reading,

– Tom


Thank you for reading my blog, please follow me on Facebook, Google+, Pinterest, Twitter or subscribe to me on Youtube. I enjoy feedback so please  Email Me if you have suggestions or concerns.

Warm regards,

– Tom

 

Video: Five Items To Bring During Your Psychiatric Hospitalization
Loving Someone Who Abuses You

Share Colorful Asylum with your friends:

  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Google+ (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window)
  • Share on Skype (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pocket (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Telegram (Opens in new window)
  • Click to print (Opens in new window)

Like this:

Like Loading...
Share

Blog  / Coping  / Journaling  / Mental Health  / Politics  / Updates

mm
Tommy
Founded Colorful Asylum in January of 2017. he is passionate about the politics of both mental illness and cerebral palsy, which lacks the recognition it deserves. With his past experiences in different realms of life such as; Democratic party activism, facilitating mental health support groups, and in theater directing and acting, Tommy hopes to show that even with a disability a person can do outsounding things in life. Tommy enjoys video games, his mandolin and his two orange tabby cats Poe and Tigger.

You might also like

Infographic: Five Ways To Cope With Your Mental Illness
Sunday, February 11th, 2018
Video: Five Items To Bring During Your Psychiatric Hospitalization
Thursday, February 8th, 2018
Kennedy’s New Frontier (Opinion)
Monday, December 25th, 2017


Copyright © Colorful Asylum 2018
%d bloggers like this: