Today I saw someone that makes me feel highly uncomfortable, due to the fact that women in the past have abused me. It was coincidental as I was grabbing a food box and trying to find resources for my disability as the doctors in my area are buttholes. I wish the week would have went different, I thought I had a real connection to this person but we triggered one another. This was my fear when we started to talk again and I thought it was okay to pursue a harder relationship. I am so stupid, I need real friends not those that make me fear to open my door and go out into the community.
I have barely eaten the past few weeks and guess what, the ideations are stronger now that I have now stuck out twice with good friends. Once at a party where I was accused of bigotry and another when a women got jelly only to take it out on me using her past experiences as a crutch. I am not going to name names on my blog, as it is confidential but I hope that both women really re-evaluate their conditions and what happened. I never meant to hurt/trigger them but there comes a time when you make an adult decision and gain control over your life.
– Colorful Asylum