Goodbye Cruel World

Trigger Warning

I’d love to say that today has been a great day, but I woke up with suicidal ideations. I don’t have a plan to kill myself or hurt myself today. I do not want to die, but my obsessive thoughts have been taking over. What if I did it, what would I do. Who would be hurt? My blog followers? Would my family forgive me? Would my ex-wife finally be happy? These are all questions that pop into my mind when I have these ideations. Again, I am not suicidal, I just really having a bad day with my ideations. I will have to drop the ideations soon and get going to work though. I really hate when the ideations take over my night, but I also have things to do this evening.

There are a lot of things left for me to do today, I am in no danger to myself and have a support system. Since my biggest support system beat me to death and ran away when confronted, I had to seek a doctor to get over the stress caused by that. I really have been blogging a lot since the evil woman left and I really do want her out of my life forever. She spooked me when I saw her driving around the other week and she finally crossed the line in the sand when she harassed me on Easter. Since then I have learned that life is worth living, even during the bad days. I will wake up tomorrow feeling better. As I close this post I feel much better as the panic medicine has kicked in. Thanks for reading this.  I thought I’d check in with a realistic post about how this panic attack is making me feel.