Reading back on my feelings towards my ex-wife, I have decided to dive into my old writings about her and update my thoughts about her. We are now trying to rekindle our relationship which is, though. In our relationship, we have always had disagreements about our mental states, but we also argue about regular stuff like finances, romantics and schedules. We do normal couple things, as we attempt to look towards the future. Every so often one of us will become symptomatic and need mental health care this is where all of our problems with finances, romantics, and schedules become muddied water. We disagree with something, but our mental status also affects how we understand the other person’s stance.
My ex-wife is the best thing that has repeatedly happened to me. That does not mean we agree on every issue and do get unfrustrated with each other on a particular topic. Appropriating money for an example; budgeting is important to me, but she doesn’t have a clue about the dollar signs unless showing her the spreadsheets. We argue about the same as any other married couple, but when the symptoms get in the way, we merely cannot preserve the respect.
These situations frequently happen when we are experiencing troubles or busy periods in our lives; a final exam, a job interview, a court appearance or even a group therapy session. Maintaining extremely too many things to do can feel exhausting but it is rewarding. My ex-wife is on disability, yet was able to go to college and rock at achieving that as a full-time student of social work. She has made me very proud through these years. I tend to represent a stickler for perfection and look for flaws in my work, using radical acceptance I have narrowed down what I can and cannot control in life.
My ex-wife does not enjoy herself when she becomes symptomatic like she has become over the past couple of years but I still love her to the earth and back. I have had to consider some steps back, but I have learned that utilizing this radical acceptance can also pose some challenges. By trying to better my mental health, it has been a struggle for our relationship. As I want to improve my life, it is difficult to appreciate the other person’s struggles all of the time. I have learned that enjoying myself is a lot easier now but accepting I cannot have my ex-wife love herself all the time is difficult, especially when she is symptomatic and not feeling like she allows friends into her life.
ex-wife and I have been together for approximately three years. During that time I have been hospitalized a couple of periods, she has suffered in the hospital a lot and we have grown to know each other‘s triggers and what bothers each other. When she becomes symptomatic, the mental illness comes out and tortures us both. I have done similar things in the past, but I have worked on my coping skills as hard as I can prevent it from continuing to be an issue.
There is a belief that we are going to succeed, but I have been suspicious in the past about worst-case scenarios regarding money. There have been times where I sat in a hospital worried about whether I was going to recognize her again, which is why I always visit my ex-wife when she is in the medical centre and I make sure she has support for herself in these situations. We have learned that dealing with our ups and downs need to be addressed. When she sleeps after a medication change off and on for days at a time, I used to get upset with her, now I try consoling her during those periods. The same has happened to me recently, my ex-wife naturally sees more sleep as bad but after the concussion a few weeks ago, it has been a sustained recovery for myself.
I wish that I could do more to tell her how much I care about her, but sometimes her illness takes over and does not compromise. I will not concede on my love for her, but there comes a time when we need to stop enabling the illness and figure out how to be responsible for it. I radically accept that I cannot change all for the benefit of others including my ex-wife, but I can work on my own mental health in the long run.
– Tommi Asylum